11 Legendary Battles: The Event

THE 11 LEGENDARY BATTLES

The Event

INTRODUCTION:

The 11 Legendary Battles is a compilation of a series of battles fought by a country known as Xyme. Written by renowed historian Ng Xing Yii, this book retells tales of courage and bravery of the soldiers who were sent to fight the 11 battles of the Great Midyearexamination War that lasted an unbelievable span of 1200 years (1405-2605).

CHAPTER 1:

-Years: 1805-2205, Against country: Bahaya-Muleya

This was a battle of cruelty and ruthlessness indeed. Thousands of troops of soldiers had set off, hardly knowing the nature of their destinies. They were not oblivious for long, however, because the moment they set foot on the border of Bahaya-Muleya they were brutally forced into sitting down and writing thousands and thousands of words non-stop. This two-part battle caused intense, chronic pains in the limbs of their brave soldiers. There was no doubt this was a battle taking lives by the bulk.

CHAPTER 2:

-Years: 1905-2505, Against country: Englishiistan

This was the other linguistic battle fought by the soldiers. The Englishiistaneese were an easy lot, but they did put up quite a fight. The blood battle went smoothly enough, but soldiers prayed that in all the haste to win it they did not make silly tenses mistakes. Even if all went well, there was still the barrier of . . . The Examiner *jeng jeng jeng*

CHAPTER 3:

-Years: 2005 and 2505, Against countries: Mads and Et Mads

This chapter features two battles that required the use of logical and analytical thinking. Soldiers were drilled many times beforehand by Generals Misslee and Missho and were given plenty of strategies and formulae of success. On the battlefield, however, soldiers had to throw numbers and digits at the opponents in order to knock them out! This was quite a victory for Xyme, but again, the soldiers hoped that there were no silly number mis-throwings made.

CHAPTER 4:

-Year: 1805, Against country: Histeria

This battle was absolutely the most devasting battle of the 11. Many of the poor, under-prepared soldiers either had to flee - or die facing the wrath of the King of Histeria and his soldiers. Many lost their heads and brains as the enemy swiftly terminated the weaker soldiers without mercy. Much was lost in this battle - Histeria was never a country Xyme could conquer.

CHAPTER 5:

-Year: 1405, Against country: Moralisa

Different from all the other battles, this was one whereby soldiers did not have to brutally masacre each other. Rather, they had to sit around in plastic chairs and compete to find the most un-barbaric and civilised and moralized soldier of them all. Long, complex phrases in foreign languages, like mematuhi peraturan and undang-undang (that the Royal Translator said had something to do with rules and prawns) were used to out-moral each other. Nevertheless, it was not easy for Xyme as most of their people were . . . not as moralized as we may wish they were.

CHAPTER 6:

-Years: 1905-2105, Against country: Bambula Triangle

*Bambula Triangle is a cluster of islands which consisted of three general regions; Bihorrodgy, Phyzeeks, and Kenmystery.

Bihorrodgy was not as difficult as expected, but several errors were made as gallons of insulin and glucagon were splashed onto the soldiers. Soldiers also seemed to be experiencing some slight form of Alzheimer's as little information of the battle can be recalled. There was also some confusion at the sight of a blunt and sharp pencil each sticking out from a whole boulder of plasticine when soldiers stepped into the vast lands of Phyzeeks. Soldiers were also required to build a weak, fragile water tower that will collapse and destroy the enemy's troops. No, it was quite the opposite actually. Of the 100 troops of soldiers sent to fight the battle in Kenmystery, only 56 troops made it back safe and sound. Another 24 troops were killed ruthlessly by massive amounts of sodium hydroxide and potassium hexacyanoferate (XII), while the remaining 20 have been abducted by King Puantan and will be held captives until further notice. King Puantan of Kenmystery reveals that he will be releasing the soldiers only after the school holidays. UM, I mean The Great Break.

CHAPTER 7:

-Years: 2105-2605, Against country: ESTeelauder

This was the last of the 11 battles. It went smoothly for the most part, but there was some mass confusion caused by calculations involving Martian days known as sols. Reportedly, several Martians were going to land and take over country ESTeelauder. Panicked, the country's leader King Feonaliwongg told Xyme's soldiers to conquer them instead. This explained the simple but not-quite-spectacular victory.

CHAPTER 8:

-Year: 2105, Against country: Civicsjaya

This bonus chapter tells the tale of the friendly battle held in the midst of the Great Midyearexamination War. There was no known preparation done for this battle, and no pressure on the troops. It was a mere breather given to the exhausted soldiers, who happened to enjoy the fake battle immensely. Soldiers were not even perturbed by the massive word bridges they had to complete using given clues, which they failed at doing.

*After these battles were held, an Examiner was sent to each mentioned country

to evaluate and tell apart victories and losses. Details of the outcome of the legendary battles will be featured in an upcoming second book, 11 Legendary Battles: The Outcome. Be sure to look out for hardcover editions which will be released in bookstores close to you!

HOKKIEN LOTR

Here's another one!

LORD OF THE RINGS:

WARNING: TAK HALAL

LOL this is hilarious!

Laugh till your ribs crack as you listen to two Hokkien dudes

pestering the poor Indian fellow to no end!

Julia you pokpok please watch if you haven't xD

Ratatouille . . .

IN HOKKIEN!

Yes, you heard me right. It's your favourite rat-slash-cook,

brought to you

In HOKKIEN!

Encounter With Nature

Okay - this morning while preparing to cook lunch, my mother washed a head of ice-berg lettuce. Guess what she saw in the process. A worm! An earthworm, yes, about 6-7cm in length. Then there was another, and another, and another, and ANOTHER, and so on until there were 6 of them little critters! So she took them out for me to ogle at; we put them in a plastic container.

And here I have a video of me holding the worms container.

Never seen (HEARD) me being squeamish??

Here's your chance!!

Note:

1. I did a bit of editing but I didn't do a very good job out of it. Besides, I already exceeded my weekend computer time so I finished it very hastily.

2. You're going to notice that after the soundtrack has ended the clip is still going on. To heck with it, I couldn't be bothered anymore.

3. There's going to be a lot of senseless screaming, and parts of it should have been removed because, uh...my aiming tersasar. But like I said, I could no longer be bothered.

So here we go!

-Presented to you by nxy = mx2+cx-

Event: MOTHER'S DAY

I know it's a little too early, but what does time matter when you're expressing appreciation to your mother!  So here's a little something. MY mother sent it to me, in fact. xD

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 

'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.' 

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 

'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.' 

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 

'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!' 

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 

' Because I said so, that's why.' 

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 

'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.' 

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 

'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.' 

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.' 

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 

'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 

'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 

'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.' 

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 

'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.' 

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 

'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!' 

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 

'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.' 

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 

'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 

'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.' 

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 

'Just wait until we get home.' 

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 

'You are going to get it when you get home!' 

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 

'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.' 

19. My mother taught me ESP.

'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?' 

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR. 

'When that lawn mower cuts off your foot, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 

'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.' 

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 

'You're just like your father.' 

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 

'Shut that door behind you.  Do  you  think  you  were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 

'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.' 

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.'