Artificial Intelligence: Sometimes Funny, Mostly Irrelevant and Looking for Trouble

My brother recently introduced me to an online programme, called the Cleverbot!

It's originally an application designed for some Mac products, but can now be found online for free! =P It's basically AI, designed to respond to people with human-like wit (or stupidity). It does not actually think for itself, but replies based on what REAL people have said to it in the past.

Just click on the link and within moments you'll understand what it's all about. It's something really fun to play with when you're bored out of your wits! I am writing this post to show you exerpts of past conversations I've had with... uh, it.

#1: Sometimes Funny

Cleverbot: What month is it?

User: January.

Cleverbot: What day is it?

User: Why do you want to know?

Cleverbot: I asked you what day is it?

User: It's Tuesday.

Cleverbot: No, it's not.

User: And how can you be sure?

Cleverbot: Because it isn't.

User: So what day is it?

Cleverbot: I have no idea. I hope it's a weekend or I may lose my job.

Hahaha, charming!

#2 Mostly Irrelevant

Cleverbot: What would you like to do for a date?

User: I would like to go for a ride on a magic carpet.

Cleverbot: Why would you like to go to Florida?

User: Did I say I would like to go to Florida?

Cleverbot: Yes, you did say you wanted to live in a jar.

User: No, I didn't. That would be utterly ridiculous.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Yes...

User: No!!!

Cleverbot: Yes!!!

User: Why do you insist?

Cleverbot: What do you think I am lying about? The 'good idea' part or the 'pizza' part?

Um, huh? Where did all THAT come from? Irrelevant much, yes? =.=

#3 Looking For Trouble

User: I want to ask you something.

Cleverbot: What do you want to ask me?

User: What is the capital of Tokyo?

Cleverbot: Ulaanbaatar.

User: You're lying. It isn't.

Cleverbot: Do you even remember what we're talking about?

User: Of course. I just asked you what is the capital of Tokyo.

Cleverbot: That is not what we were talking about.

User: Then what were we talking about?

Cleverbot: You asked me to tell you what I would like to do to you.

User: That is not what I said!

Cleverbot: I'm sorry.

User: It's okay. I forgive you.

Cleverbot: Thank you, you are very kind and polite.

User: Why, so are you.


It's definitely got cheek, this one. Haha, but it's also very polite at the same time~ ^^

The Cleverbot clearly has attitude! Search online if you'd bother, and you'll be able to find past conversations the Cleverbot has had with other people, which could be extremely funny. However, as human-like as it is, let's not forget that it IS NOT HUMAN, and it could be scary if someone were to fall in love with it or something... You know, there are plenty of stories of people falling in love with other people they have met online. For the sake of mankind, let's hope it doesn't happen between Cleverbot and 12-year-old girl out there! =o *thinks, and shivers*

Check it out for yourself! =D

This . . . is cute xD

In the house

of Mr. and Mrs. Spouse

he and she

would watch TV

and never a word

between them was spoken

until the day

the set was broken.

Then, "How do you do?"

said He to She.

"I don't believe we've met.

Spouse is my name.

What's yours?" he asked.

"Why, mine's the same!"

said She to He.

"Do you suppose we could be...?"

But the set came suddenly right about

and they never did find out.

Please don't get hooked on to modern gadgets

until you forget to chai your loved ones!!

K.E.L.U.A.R.G.A.

In conjuction with the upcoming Family/Father/Parent's Day . . .

I'm sure a lot of people have heard that

F-A-M-I-L-Y = Father And Mother I Love You.

Well, put together a syarahan entitled Keluarga Penyayang and a group presentation and this is what you get:

Kasih

Emak

Luas

Umpama

Api

Raksasa

Gemar

Air

And if you're wondering, "What in the world does that even mean??"

Well, we're not very sure either - but it certainly gave us a good laugh!

11 Legendary Battles: The Event

THE 11 LEGENDARY BATTLES

The Event

INTRODUCTION:

The 11 Legendary Battles is a compilation of a series of battles fought by a country known as Xyme. Written by renowed historian Ng Xing Yii, this book retells tales of courage and bravery of the soldiers who were sent to fight the 11 battles of the Great Midyearexamination War that lasted an unbelievable span of 1200 years (1405-2605).

CHAPTER 1:

-Years: 1805-2205, Against country: Bahaya-Muleya

This was a battle of cruelty and ruthlessness indeed. Thousands of troops of soldiers had set off, hardly knowing the nature of their destinies. They were not oblivious for long, however, because the moment they set foot on the border of Bahaya-Muleya they were brutally forced into sitting down and writing thousands and thousands of words non-stop. This two-part battle caused intense, chronic pains in the limbs of their brave soldiers. There was no doubt this was a battle taking lives by the bulk.

CHAPTER 2:

-Years: 1905-2505, Against country: Englishiistan

This was the other linguistic battle fought by the soldiers. The Englishiistaneese were an easy lot, but they did put up quite a fight. The blood battle went smoothly enough, but soldiers prayed that in all the haste to win it they did not make silly tenses mistakes. Even if all went well, there was still the barrier of . . . The Examiner *jeng jeng jeng*

CHAPTER 3:

-Years: 2005 and 2505, Against countries: Mads and Et Mads

This chapter features two battles that required the use of logical and analytical thinking. Soldiers were drilled many times beforehand by Generals Misslee and Missho and were given plenty of strategies and formulae of success. On the battlefield, however, soldiers had to throw numbers and digits at the opponents in order to knock them out! This was quite a victory for Xyme, but again, the soldiers hoped that there were no silly number mis-throwings made.

CHAPTER 4:

-Year: 1805, Against country: Histeria

This battle was absolutely the most devasting battle of the 11. Many of the poor, under-prepared soldiers either had to flee - or die facing the wrath of the King of Histeria and his soldiers. Many lost their heads and brains as the enemy swiftly terminated the weaker soldiers without mercy. Much was lost in this battle - Histeria was never a country Xyme could conquer.

CHAPTER 5:

-Year: 1405, Against country: Moralisa

Different from all the other battles, this was one whereby soldiers did not have to brutally masacre each other. Rather, they had to sit around in plastic chairs and compete to find the most un-barbaric and civilised and moralized soldier of them all. Long, complex phrases in foreign languages, like mematuhi peraturan and undang-undang (that the Royal Translator said had something to do with rules and prawns) were used to out-moral each other. Nevertheless, it was not easy for Xyme as most of their people were . . . not as moralized as we may wish they were.

CHAPTER 6:

-Years: 1905-2105, Against country: Bambula Triangle

*Bambula Triangle is a cluster of islands which consisted of three general regions; Bihorrodgy, Phyzeeks, and Kenmystery.

Bihorrodgy was not as difficult as expected, but several errors were made as gallons of insulin and glucagon were splashed onto the soldiers. Soldiers also seemed to be experiencing some slight form of Alzheimer's as little information of the battle can be recalled. There was also some confusion at the sight of a blunt and sharp pencil each sticking out from a whole boulder of plasticine when soldiers stepped into the vast lands of Phyzeeks. Soldiers were also required to build a weak, fragile water tower that will collapse and destroy the enemy's troops. No, it was quite the opposite actually. Of the 100 troops of soldiers sent to fight the battle in Kenmystery, only 56 troops made it back safe and sound. Another 24 troops were killed ruthlessly by massive amounts of sodium hydroxide and potassium hexacyanoferate (XII), while the remaining 20 have been abducted by King Puantan and will be held captives until further notice. King Puantan of Kenmystery reveals that he will be releasing the soldiers only after the school holidays. UM, I mean The Great Break.

CHAPTER 7:

-Years: 2105-2605, Against country: ESTeelauder

This was the last of the 11 battles. It went smoothly for the most part, but there was some mass confusion caused by calculations involving Martian days known as sols. Reportedly, several Martians were going to land and take over country ESTeelauder. Panicked, the country's leader King Feonaliwongg told Xyme's soldiers to conquer them instead. This explained the simple but not-quite-spectacular victory.

CHAPTER 8:

-Year: 2105, Against country: Civicsjaya

This bonus chapter tells the tale of the friendly battle held in the midst of the Great Midyearexamination War. There was no known preparation done for this battle, and no pressure on the troops. It was a mere breather given to the exhausted soldiers, who happened to enjoy the fake battle immensely. Soldiers were not even perturbed by the massive word bridges they had to complete using given clues, which they failed at doing.

*After these battles were held, an Examiner was sent to each mentioned country

to evaluate and tell apart victories and losses. Details of the outcome of the legendary battles will be featured in an upcoming second book, 11 Legendary Battles: The Outcome. Be sure to look out for hardcover editions which will be released in bookstores close to you!

HOKKIEN LOTR

Here's another one!

LORD OF THE RINGS:

WARNING: TAK HALAL

LOL this is hilarious!

Laugh till your ribs crack as you listen to two Hokkien dudes

pestering the poor Indian fellow to no end!

Julia you pokpok please watch if you haven't xD

Ratatouille . . .

IN HOKKIEN!

Yes, you heard me right. It's your favourite rat-slash-cook,

brought to you

In HOKKIEN!

Event: MOTHER'S DAY

I know it's a little too early, but what does time matter when you're expressing appreciation to your mother!  So here's a little something. MY mother sent it to me, in fact. xD

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 

'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.' 

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 

'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.' 

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 

'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!' 

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 

' Because I said so, that's why.' 

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 

'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.' 

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 

'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.' 

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.' 

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 

'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 

'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 

'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.' 

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 

'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.' 

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 

'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!' 

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 

'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.' 

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 

'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 

'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.' 

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 

'Just wait until we get home.' 

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 

'You are going to get it when you get home!' 

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 

'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.' 

19. My mother taught me ESP.

'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?' 

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR. 

'When that lawn mower cuts off your foot, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 

'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.' 

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 

'You're just like your father.' 

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 

'Shut that door behind you.  Do  you  think  you  were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 

'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.' 

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.'

LAUGH. OF. THE. CENTURY.

OH MY GOSH. A MUST WATCH. ABSOLUTELY.

I just died from all the laughing. Watch it!! No matter what!

Money Reprinting: BY HAND

I just read Julia's post on the motivational talk we had on Monday and felt motivated to post this myself! xD And yes, this is ONLY going to be about the money-reprinting-by-hand activity we had.

WARNING/DISCLAIMER:

Before you stun yourself with my wonderful artistic talents, kindly remember that -

1) these pictures were drawn solely from memory;

2) NOT EVERYBODY HAS PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY, hence the quality of drawings #1 and #2;

3) even though some people MIGHT have photographic memory, not everybody has the skill to transfer the image from the mind perfectly onto a blank sheet of paper!; and

4) the chan-ness of drawings #1 and #2 were further enhanced by the blog owner's extraordinary photography skills (They're actually not all that bad, if I must say so myself!)

Now here we go xD

THE ORIGINAL COPY:

Now take a GOOD look . . .

And brace yourself, as I put forward the two

most horrifying images mankind has ever seen!

ATTEMPT 1:

Well, well! Would you just look at that!

Now let's make comparisons to the original. Here's the report on it.

Description:

Hand-drawn by - NG XING YII

Solely from - MEMORY
How they compare: #1

1. Zeti Aziz-something's face - I wouldn't say it bears much resemblance to the one in the original copy, but a good job done nonetheless! Marks: 4/5
2. Code at the side of note - Wonderfully and intricately written in 2B pencil lead, and clearly a significant amount of thought has been given to where its placing should be. Bravo to creative code given. Marks: 5/5

3. Shiny barcode thingies - A severe mistake here - it should be at the back; but nothing shall be deducted as it only serves to prove that IT IS HUMAN TO ERR. Marks: N/A

4. Somebody's signature - So beautiful in capturing its every essence (whatever that means). However, signature curves should be finer and more pronounced. A good try. Marks: 3/5

5. The number 'ONE' - Not done by artist herself. In fact, this was done with the aid of another renowned artist - Tricia Yeoh. An amazing discovery in the world of art. Marks: 5/5

6. Unidentified Scribble Object (USO) - I'm afraid no living person has ever managed to decipher this part of the drawing. It is simply too abstract for the human mind to comprehend. Marks: 4/5

7. A single heart - This must be, without a doubt, added by the artist as an afterthought to send her love to a secret lover. It was believed that in 1819 . . . [text lost halfway in the complicated process of publishing]

How they compare: #2

1. Traditional kite - Or more widely-known as the wau, this piece of art certainly puts a WOW in my larynx/tongue (whatever the speaking mechanism is made up of). Note: To some inexperienced people, it may appear as a cowboy in a hat or even very suspiciously as a pacifier. Be assured that, however, it is neither. Marks: 4/5

2. Mountains - They're so hot and fiery I feel on fire just looking at them. Certainly, it may be a little too hot, but it's fine just the same. Marks: 4/5

OVERALL:

A fine artist showing very promising talent. Be sure to ask for an autograph to sell for 10 000 000$ in the future!!

Okay that was just for laughs! xD

Now here's the real deal. Wipe that smile of your face

because this is getting serious.

ATTEMPT 2:

Description:
Hand-drawn by - OOI PHAIK CHERN

Solely from - the MEMORIES OF THE ELITE FOUR (namely Lee Huey Fern, Jolene Ng, Tricia Yeoh, and the artist herself), Ng Xing Yii, Tan Ee Vern, and African guest-star Cherylene A. Bruyns

Okay, let's face it. This was the result of the memories of the greatest minds combined. And the artwork of a very brilliant artist. Naturally, we expect this to be a perfect, flawless, mistake-less hand-reprint that we can even use to bluff Pak Cik Din with. (And trust me, he isn't an easy one to con - I KNOW.) Therefore, there will be NO NEED for an ego-boost. Definition of ego-boost: Where something is so pathetic you need something else to boost the ego of its creator.

Now, don't we all just love being eccentric!

Signing off,

Artist of the Century

xD

Chemistry and Enthusiasm: Do they go together?

Halfway throught Chemistry tuition today, this amusing idea came to my mind. It's something I'd really like to try, just for kicks, but . . . Anyway, here's it.

Below is a part of the Chem structural paper. But that's not the point. Just take a look:

- Name the type of reaction that occurs.

Precipitation.

- Is the reaction a redox reaction? Explain your answer.

No, there is no transfer of electrons involved.

Now, let's . . . spice it up a little bit and see what happens. xD

- Name the type of reaction that occurs.

Precipitation!!!

- Is the reaction a redox reaction? Explain your answer.

NEVER! There is absolutely no transfer of electrons involved. Not ONE, not a SINGLE electron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hah! How's THAT for an answer?? Technically, the answers aren't wrong. Neither do they contain grammatical mistakes. So do you

1) get extra marks for showing such enthusiasm, or

2) get your marks deducted for simply being cheeky, OR

3) get the same marks, but the teacher finds it so amusing he/she shares it with the class for a good laugh!

So that brings us back to the question -

Chemistry and Enthusiasm: Do they go together?

I absolutely do not know, but I wouldn't dare to try it during Mid-Year le. If you ever do try, tell me! =P

Funny. STUPID.

Enjoy!!

Old movie. New watch?

I kinda thought the finger needs to be on the trigger?

Hmm . . . aeroplanes in the Trojan War??

Walkie-talkie in the olden days?

AND HERE'S A FAVOURITE :

Wow! In those days . . . ADIDAS??

But not as stupid as . . .

OR THIS???

No comments!

This is what SAD looks like.

This is what SORRY looks like.

This is what BAD SPELLING looks like.

This is what INTIMACY looks like.

This is what DEAF looks like. 

This is what STUPID looks like.

This is what 'OH SH*T' looks like.

This is what 'I CAN WAIT' looks like.

This is what NIGHTMARE looks like.

This is what a BLONDE's car looks like.

Olympics, Beijing 2008: Diving

Heheh. It gets better xD

Uh. Invisible toilet bowl! o.O

Don't shoot!!

Look here, look here, I'm almost a BALL!!

I can't reach my toes . . .

Canggih hair.

Even more canggih hair.

The canggih-dess hair! Plus spectacular leg pose!

People tell me I have a unique face . . . No?

*ahem* I don't even wanna think what it looks like!

. . . And here's a toast to the end of the tests!!

The school tests ended today. The finish was a horrible one! Gahh, that last paper was absolutely devastating. Anyhow, it is all over! And for now, that's all that matters.

Here is a little something to acknowledge the end of the first of four Form 5 exams:

During a class, the professor told this story about a colleague. Students in the other professor's class had taken to tossing erasers at the clock. Each precise hit caused it to jump ahead one minute.

Before class one morning they succeeded in advancing the clock by ten minutes. Since the new time indicated that the professor was beyond the accepted starting time, the class left. The professor never said a word about the incident.

However, he presented the class with a very difficult final exam. As the students laboured to finish within the allotted time, the professor amused himself by tossing erasers at the clock.

Heheh! And . . .

A few words of wisdom (regarding exams!):

You may look up for inspiration,

or down in desperation -

but not to the side for information!

- In support of facing exams with a brighter mood xP -